A dream: from God or my usual "just a weird dream?"

It started out with me re-arranging my room. I moved my bed and then realized I had it just the same way as I did to begin with and this frustrated me a little bit. So I was thinking about where to put it (in fact I had had my bed in different place and liked it better) but there was a chest of drawers and this glass hollow vase like table in the way. When I went to move the table it was broken in half. There was this gooey stuff and thick plastic bags with cool looking fish in them. The fish were still alive. I realized this had been a cool aquarium. I decided to go and get another large vase, but this time I would release the fish from their plastic homes. (it was like a larger piece of plastic and then a bubble type w/the fish and water inside. So I decide to go to this mall. Someone has put a green fence around the way we go. Keith commented earlier when we went together, "at least they left us one opening to get in". When I get there they have constructed another green fence about 100 yards in front of the first one. I finally see the opening in the far right corner that I can access the area. Then I go thru the fence that has an access in the middle of the fence. Oh yea somewhere in the dream I dream this: I'm in a snotty restaurant and I'm trying to look at the prices on the menu. I see they are going to be filming in the restaurant soon. The cast and crew are coming in so I walk out hoping to see someone famous. I stop and speak w/the director then proceed into the parking lot. I don't' see anyone famous but I want to, so I guess I change my dream because I'm walking into the parking lot again and I see Robin Williams, yell his name and faint. I know I got his attention and begin to see him doing his usual stuff over me, laid out on the rocky parking lot. Now I'm in an area that has a subway. But is above me and where I am is dark and dank and muddy. I'm having to walk carefully. I know that there is a mall up there but I can't figure out how to access the subway. (It's like the ones in DC on top not underground like NY). I am all alone and feel a bit lonely. Not too bad. I find some stairs and walk up them. Then I run into Alex with her friends. I know I can't go with her and I know I can't ask her how to get to the mall. She runs off with her friends and they do have an adult with them, so I feel ok about that. I'm now walking on stairs that are almost paraell to the ground, like maybe in a garden w/short stairs because the ground slopes slightly. But it is dark. Just a touch of light. I open doors and walk thru like bedrooms. I can see the shops above me but still can't figure out how to get there. Then I'm on the subway with 15 other people. I know this because we count them when the subway stops and we are getting off. This one woman and I have been talking about God and I can't really remember what but I felt it was good but then she gets a little leagalistic right when we are getting off and I think no don't do this. I want her to be light to the other 12 (she was w/her husband and me so that makes 3). So I get off and see some stores but none I think will have what I need. I wander thru one and don't' see anything appropriate. Then see a Lowe's and I think that might have what I need but again I can't figure out how to get there. Ok, here is the weird part. Alex is suddenly standing with me and we looking at a TV. She begins telling me she feels like God is preparing her to leave the youth group. And she has a real peace about it. The woman from the train is standing next to me and I indicate I want to tell her something but I need to wait until Alex leaves. Alex then bounces up some stairs and is gone. In this part of the dream all the dark colors are gone and everything is some shade of white. Even the stairs. So I pull the woman aside and tell her about Jack and all that. Then I decide I'm really tired and want to go home. Again I can't find the way home. And I realize I have a coat, my red shawl, a cat and maybe my red purse. I'm just burdened down. As I'm looking, again, for the subway, I see a hoodlum standing by and ask him how to get to the subway because he is my last chance. He tells me and says here take this, I know the conductor, and his is pulling out a piece that looks like part of one of the plastic gloves I wear. I realize he tried this with me earlier and I just ignored him, not even engaging that time in conversation. I'm not sure what he has but I know he wants me to pull it from his pocket. I just kinda wave him off and continue in the direction he told me to find the subway. Then I find a fast food restaurant and I just need to sit down. I've got all my stuff and the cat, who bites me as I sit on a bench and then he lurches knocking a pizza box on the floor. Some of this I can explain easily: the pizza in the refigerator, the snooty restaurant Louis Viutton's, the people on the subway... church last night. But Alex and the burden I was carrying and being lost. God if this means anything and I need to respond please show me.

The True Scratch that Satisfies

I spend my entire day looking for ways to scratch. You wouldn't believe the items I've found that can temporarily relieve my itching. Brake pedals are great. While at a stop sign, place the souls of your feet on either corner of the pedal and scratch away. Pill Bottles make good scratches. The bottom of them. You know those foot rests found under desks? Turn it over and you have a variety of surfaces to scratch with. Tongue Depressors work well and you can be discreet when scratching your back. Credit cards, my ASH state badge, any plastic piece is great for scrapping off dead skin and relieves the itch... temporarily. Our conference room at work has a great edge on one of the legs, but when I start rubbing my feet on it, it's a little, how do we say?, disconcerting to have all your co-workers turn and eye you. Pens, letter openers, knives (the ones at fancy restaurants work best because they are heavier and longer), brushes, I've tried them all. Does it do any good? Only when I'm scratching. As soon as I stop, then the itch comes back and sometimes, pain depending on what I grabbed! It seems to me someone very wise once said: But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Or I like how The Message puts it... 33 Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. So, do you think maybe, just maybe, if I spent as much time seeking the Kingdom of God as I do seeking something to scratch with, my true itch would truly be satisfied?

Weekly Update on my MF week of july 4th

I have been admonished by an unnamed source (but her name rhymes with 2 check) that I should give you all weekly updates. So here goes... feel free to delete! I continue to see improvement in my skin. Especially my feet... I have real skin under all whatever it that stuff was like Fred Flinstone feet?! If I could/would quit scratching I might really be amazed at the difference in my skin. I continue to itch, and I'm very dry and flaky. Why just this morning alone, I could have filled a 5 lb. flour bag with dead skin (I know... ewwwwwww). My hands are still cracking... thus I'm keeping the plastic glove company in business. I'm still cold, but not as cold, but hey, when you have how many days with over 100 degree weather, the buildings eventually will warm up. So I can sit in my office with just my jacket on, but sans hood! Thanks for praying about the Interferon, I've not had a bad spell since that one a couple of weeks ago. I feel fine the day and the day after I take my shot, but the 2nd day I crash more easily. Like, "man I've got to sit down NOW!!¨ I do a lot better in the mornings, so I'm actually trying to help around the house a bit before I go to work, because once I'm home in the evening, its into the jammies and bed! This is also why I've not replied to many of your e-mails, I'm just exhausted after I get home, not because I'm ignoring you ;) I've been to the gym three (yes count them 3) times this week. Just ride the bike at a slow speed, but I figure something is better than nothing. We leave for Houston next week on Tuesday. Will get to see the great Dr. Duvic on Wednesday. So I will have more and better things (I hope) to report next week. Thanks again for ALL the outpouring of love, support and prayers. Yea, though the body be crappy, the spirit is uplifted, encouraged, and glad! You all are my visual reminders of how great my God is and how much I'm loved. Ok enough mush, have a great weekend! Love, Renee -- Renee Atkinson 512.251.5599 (home) 512.419.2885 (work) 512.423.4074 (cell) 512.896.8742 (pager) updates on my cancer: http://www3.caringbridge.org/tx/renee/ Run to God... Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life! - Proverbs 3:7-8 The Message If you want to be taken off this list, reply and type remove in the body of the e-mail message. If you want to join this list, reply and type join in the body of the e-mail. --

Woke up this morning AND

I was not flaky on my face or upper part of my body. BUT I still have the Itch from Hell! I'm taking Kochia 13 which is???... Kochia 13 Seven Forests Kochia 13%, Smilax 9%, Siler 9%, Sophora Flower 8%, Salvia 8%, Tribulus 8%, Dictamnus 7%, Scrophularia 7%, Cicada 7%, Tokorao 7%, Rehmannia (raw) 6%, Platycodon 6%, Licorice 5% CHRONIC SKIN DISEASES SUCH AS ECZEMA AND PSORIASIS Ok that doesn't tell us much... back to google search.. ok here is a little more: PSORIASIS: Kochla 13, Zedoarla Tablets. Kochia 13 is a formula for toxic heat syndrome which is based on clinical studies of psoriasis treatment in China. Zedoaria Tablets is a treatment for blood stasis syndrome based on a successful treatment for psoriasis used in China. The two formulas may be combined. here is something else interesting: RASHES/ITCHING: Xanthium 12., San She Dan Xanthium 12 is based on laboratory and clinical evaluation of herbs that interfere with the progression of allergy responses (anti-atopy herbs). It is used for skin rashes and hayfever. San She Dan is a formula for purging the gallblaWer; congestion of the gallbladder is believed to lead to a damp-heat syndrome which can produce itching skin; this is probably not effective for itching due to flea bites. This is from: http://www.herbldoc.com/pharmacy.htm#by%20Diseases

April 27th - The Big C

Had appt. w/Dan this morning. Assured me he's doing everything possible. Worried about cancer. Having CAT Scan tomorrow in stomach and pelvis. Said don't worry if they see any shadows may not mean anything. I have tinneatis (sp??) in BOTH ears. My left one was totally blocked all weekend and couldn't chew at all. Today it's better and now my right one feels like it is packed with cotton. Was hurting but took to Ibuprofen. Feels better. Saw Dr. Butler. Had needles stuck in my feet and hands. DOES NOT want me to have my lymph node removed. Dan WANTS very much to have my lymph node removed. Have until 5-12 for Dr. Butler to make the lymph node swelling to go down. Dr. Butler is treating me for Candida. NO sugar (barely Stuevia) no white flour, no dairy products. Bummer what does that leave?? Seem drier and itcher than ever! See Dr. Scumpia on the 2nd and Dr. Shaffer on the 3rd and Dr. Butler wants to see me 2x a week for the next 4 weeks. I will work as much as and as often as I can.

Monday, April 18th... better? why?

I feel a little better today, not as itchy as I did this weekend or Friday. Not so dry. So what is the temp and humidty? Amazing... it's 69 degrees out but the humidty is 84%. I just found a dry skin index on weather.com interesting. Yesterday, about 2pm I thought if I dont' get home soon and put lotion on me right then I was going to blow away. Anyway, much better today.

Patches for allergic reactions

Forgot to add that on Wednesday April 6, C0nnie from Cook's office put patches on my back. Nada, nothing, nil... of course Dan thinks it was because I was still popping atarax, but connie said no.

Update

Been too long but here is what is going on. Suddenly my skin is so dry. I put lotion on and 10 minutes later it is dry and flaky everywhere. Did a 3 day purge on Dr. K's advice. Ate only fruit/veggies. That was this past Mon, Tue and Wed. Came off it yesterday. Today I've got that horrible itch again. It won't stop. I put on Eurciene all over my body... could that be it? I put in on my legs last night and have been putting it on my feet for the last few days. Can't imagine what in the world has made me so itchy today. Yesterday coming off my fast I had: coffee/cream, mushroom, spinach, artichoke sour cream omlet, dark chocolate, ceasar salad, olives on toast, swiss cheese and tomato soup with goldfish. Saw Dr. Markus the surgeon. He and I both agree it's probably a swollen lymph node from me itching so much. We are going to wait a couple of weeks (4/28) to operate and see if it goes away. Seeing Dr. Butler herblist/acupuncturist (sp?) on Monday and then Dr. Scumpia on Tuesday. And talking to Dr. Nutson, internest! Well I checked the weather and no changes this week of any significance. It's my torso and arms that are itching and my thighs a little! Will call Shaffer to see if it could be the lotion!